The Dumbass Epidemic

In Things I Wish I Was Gutsy Enough to Tweet #10, I mentioned The Dumbass Epidemic. I realize that I really didn't convey the extent of the problem. Maybe because I myself was in denial.

Thursday night I headed out with a girlfriend to celebrate Cabernet Day (best holiday EVER). We went to local wine bar where I got the opportunity to talk with some wine reps. One of the guys was very nice as well as attractive so needless to say he caught my eye. While he was entertaining clients he kept looking over in my direction so I took that as a good sign. After a while, a very attractive girl came in. They obviously knew each other and it became very apparent that he was very interested in her. You win a few, you lose a few. Now the only reason that this is even remotely worth mentioning is that even Stevie Wonder could of seen the huge 'High Maintenance' sign over this girls' head. It's going to be a bumpy ride for him. He isn't a full Dumbass, let's just tag him Dumbass Lite.

While all of the above was happening, a gentleman came and sat down at the bar beside us. He seemed harmless enough albeit tipsy. Harmless turned into moronic soon enough and there was just no shaking him. I guess he eventually had enough of our hysterical laughter (he couldn't figure out what was so funny) and he just left without saying a word. Drunken Moronic Dumbass.

It came time to switch venues and we headed out to a local bar for some cheap beer. (Cabernet Day was over). The place wasn't very busy but it didn't take long for a guy to join us at the bar. Seemed nice enough. Reasonably intelligent. But then my spidey senses started tingling and his true colors started showing. By using the skills that most girls acquire as teenagers and that I honed during my one season of playing football, I managed to evade his advances, grab a cab and get home. Whiny, needy Dumbass.

So, as you can see, they come in many shapes and sizes. There needs to be an early detection system available to us. Perhaps Dumbasses emit pheramones so we could invent some glassses to aide us in detection. If the image glows bright red, get the hell out. Green could be, good to go. Or what about training a dog to sniff them out? Perfect excuse for me to get another Rottie. Bars and restaurants would have to allow it in with me as he would totally qualify as a Service Dog. Jeff Foxworthy has a bit where he says stupid people should wear signs. Maybe the Dumbasses should too. That would make life really simple but I doubt we could get them to wear them.

Oh wait a minute, they're Dumbasses, of course they would.