Bed Hog

I've gotten used to sleeping alone in my king size bed. Even though I tend to keep to one side, it's nice being able to stretch out when the mood strikes. Here in Italy, I have to share a bed. It's not so bad most nights but occasionally I feel my sleep space being encroached upon. I don't mind the warm body pushed up next to me or even having the covers pinned down. The snoring is what bothers me the most.

But I just don't have the heart to kick him out of bed. Would you?

High Heels and Cobblestones: Italian Driving Rules

I recently came across some observations that I wrote 8 years ago when I first moved to Italy. Surprisingly (or not), most are still valid today. So I thought I'd share some of these orginal stories. I've called this collection, High Heels and Cobblestones because like those two items, Italy and I sometimes don't work well together.

Italian Driving Rules

Driving in Italy is a daily adventure. Each day when I’m out I see something new and absurd done. I’ve stopped being shocked and surprised. To help any future travelers, I’ve compiled a list of rules. I’m sure these will help you make sense of the Italian roads.

#1. If your car fits you can go there

#2. If your car doesn't fit, you can still go there

#3. Just because your lane does not have a dotted white line down the middle does not mean it's not 2 lanes

#4. Signals????? Obviously a North American concept. Except in LA

#5. If you drive anything 2 wheeled, you can go anywhere you want. Traffic laws do not apply to you.

#6. Stop signs. A roadside decoration of no real purpose.

#7. Passing. Solid white line, dotted white line, yellow line. They are just a guideline. Kind of like in video games.

#8. If you see someone you know, feel free to stop to say hello. Pulling off to the side not required.

#9. If, while driving, you intersect with a one way street, and your destination happens to be behind you, feel free to turn left then throw it in reverse and punch the accelerator until you find a parking spot. On-coming traffic, or in this case, rear-coming traffic will adjust.

#10. If you and your buddies desire to have an impromptu game of soccer, feel free to play where ever you like. Major roadways need not be excluded as the traffic will adjust

Luxury Dog Tax

The economic woes of various European countries has been a news staple for the last few months. Italy has recently made some major changes to their political landscape and the country's economic state is causing many to worry. So what can a stuggling economy due to bolster its coffers? Tax dogs of course.

One of the economic measures being proposed is to place a tax on 'luxury dogs'. You are probably asking yourself (as I did) what is a luxury dog? This has yet to be properly defined but the best guess would be a dog purchased from a breeder versus one picked up at the humane society. The logic here is, if you can afford to spend the money to purchase one of these dogs and care for it, you're obviously making too much money and you should be taxed. This tax is on top of the licensing and registration fees you already pay for your dog.

In a country where abandoning your pet is common place when you go on holiday, this is the worst idea possible. As it is, many Italians just abandon Fido and Puss Puss before going on vacation. They can't be bothered to find accomodation for their animals while they hit the beaches so they just set them free. Can you imagine what will happen if this tax is actually put in place? Pampered pooches will be left to their own devices. Scenes from Beverly Hills Chihuahua are running through my head (don't judge me, I was on a plane when I watched it).

Animal activists are already up in arms about this and rightfully so. I suggested that all one had to do is take their pet to the humane society and put it up for adoption then go back the next day and adopt them. They would then have paperwork stating that they got their dog from the humane society instead of a fancy breeder.

Just doing my part to help out our furry four-legged friends.

Vanity and the Italian Male

I've been away from Italy for almost 9 months and naturally a few things have changed while I was away. Some of my entertainment these days involves catching up with these changes.

The hair salon that I go to here moved during my absence. They chose a newer, smaller space which costs them less per month. This makes perfect business sense. As the space is smaller, they had to eliminate a feature that their old space had. The Man Cave.

You may be asking yourself, what is a Man Cave in a hair salon? A Man Cave in the hair salon was an area specifically dedicated to men who were getting their hair dyed. They had their own private area for the entire hair coloring process. This included a hair washing station.

The new space had no room for this feature. They have compensated by partitioning off an area to make it private for them during the coloring process but they must use the same hair washing area as everyone else. That means, others will see that they are getting their hair dyed. The horror! They have actually already lost a few male clients due to this lack of privacy issue.

As you can imagine, when this story was told to me, I was in hysterics. No sympathy here from me. I've never heard of this sort of thing being made available for women. Perhaps in some uber-swishy spa but salon procedures already cost me an arm and a leg so spending extra for this sort of thing seems silly.

I've also been totally wrong about what a Man Cave was for. I thought it was for watching sports and playing video games undisturbed. I now realize it's for the guys to get together and dye their hair.

Welcome back to Italy

I've only been back in Italy 24 hours and already my patience is being put to the test.

As it turns out, today there is a 10 hour driving ban. If you happen to have a vehicle with an even numbered plate, you can't drive from 9 am to 7 pm. As it turns out, both our cars have even numbered plates. The reason for this driving ban is to help the pollution situation. There is an increased amount lately due to the lack of wind and rain so extreme measures have been put into play. Now I understand the reason for this but this happening on my first day back is a bit of a pain. I guess I don't get to ease back into Italian life.

Welcome home WineSnob.

Women Can Be Dumbasses Too

If a guy calls you the wrong name, then begs your forgiveness in the street, even if you tell him to take his bicycle and go home, if you give him another shot....you are a dumbass.

If a guy stands you up for coffee more than once yet you still give him option #3.... you are a dumbass.

Hotel Etiquette

Open letter to my fellow guests,

Shut the F Up!

To the Russian boys, I get that you're having a good time but it's midnight and the rest of us don't want to listen to you. Plus we can't understand a word you're saying which makes eavesdropping useless. You really don't want me to come out there and Shhhh you. You are just lucky that my door was double locked because at 1 am you were about to get an earful and by the time I managed to navigate the intricate set of hotel locks you'd already scurried into your room.

To my neighbors, I'm really sorry that you have to be up at 7 am but I don't. How loud must you be at that hour? The sun wasn't even up yet. Unlike you, I need my beauty sleep and I don't have a timetable.

Hotel walls are paper thin. You don't realize it because I'm a polite hotel neighbor. Next time, I'll rent a screaming kid to prove my point.