I have been on a bit of a self-imposed exile from the wilds of the Vancouver night life. Each time I do drum up the courage to venture out I'm quickly reminded about how much I prefer an evening on the sofa.
One of my most recent experiences was at an anniversary party for a restaurant that I like going to. They invited their customers to an evening with free food and booze. Pretty sweet. As I'm there with my girlfriend, we are noticing that no one is mingling. Everyone is staying with the groups they know. Standing on the other side of the counter from us were two guys. The entire time they never even bothered to make contact with anyone around them. My girlfriend had to leave early and as I got up to get myself a bite to eat, they took the seats we were occupying. When I returned they were rather embarassed but I was fine standing. It was at this point that conversation began. After a bit of small talk, I brought up my observation of people not engaging with others. One of the fellows told me that if I wanted to meet men in this town I needed to pull my shoulders back, stick my chest out and not open my mouth. He was serious. I have to admit I was rather stunned by this statement. I guess vapid barbie dolls are what men want.
During the Vancouver Wine Festival, I was in the tasting room every night. There is no better venue for engaging people in conversation. Everyone is walking around with wine. All you need to do is ask someone what they're drinking and what wines they've found exciting. Sadly, not even this fool-proof set-up can cause people to interact.
On another occasion, I was out for a girlfriends' birthday. After drinks and dinner the plan was to go out dancing. As we entered the venue of choice, we both looked around the room and realized it was hardly to our liking. But I believe in making the best of situations so we stuck it out for a bit. Ever go somewhere and look around a room and realize there isn't a single person in there (guy or girl) that you even want to talk to? As we were dancing I was observing the crowd. I noticed two attractive looking fellows sitting in a corner texting. Instead of interacting with real people they chose to stay in their virtual world. They weren't even talking to each other.
But on rare occasions you do find someone who gives communication a try. Recently, a friend of mine was communicating with a rather attractive guy. From his texts, he seemed smart and witty. What was really uncharacteristic was that he actually wanted to meet. Most times guys just want to message and text indefinitely. They ended up setting up a coffee date. Once they actually met, the conversation was non-existent. While nerves can play a part in decreased conversation skills, it didn't seem like the case. They parted ways before even finishing their coffee. No stranger to bad coffee dates, she didn't give it a second thought until not even 5 minutes later she receives a text from him saying he enjoyed meeting her. He then asked what she thought of him and if she'd be interested in seeing how the sex would be. WTF! What planet are these men from? For the record, she politely declined saying she just didn't feel that sort of connection with him. No other texts were received.
So all of these things have gotten me to thinking. What has happened to Vancouver Guy 2.0? It's almost like an evening out is a replay of a junior high dance with the guys on one side of the room and the girls on the other. They want to talk to each other but just have no clue how to do it. Are there just too many ways to be social virtually that we have lost the skills to actually interact with one another?
Or, is there something in the water that is neutering us conversationally?
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