Conversationally Neutered

I have been on a bit of a self-imposed exile from the wilds of the Vancouver night life. Each time I do drum up the courage to venture out I'm quickly reminded about how much I prefer an evening on the sofa.

One of my most recent experiences was at an anniversary party for a restaurant that I like going to. They invited their customers to an evening with free food and booze. Pretty sweet. As I'm there with my girlfriend, we are noticing that no one is mingling. Everyone is staying with the groups they know. Standing on the other side of the counter from us were two guys. The entire time they never even bothered to make contact with anyone around them. My girlfriend had to leave early and as I got up to get myself a bite to eat, they took the seats we were occupying. When I returned they were rather embarassed but I was fine standing. It was at this point that conversation began. After a bit of small talk, I brought up my observation of people not engaging with others. One of the fellows told me that if I wanted to meet men in this town I needed to pull my shoulders back, stick my chest out and not open my mouth. He was serious. I have to admit I was rather stunned by this statement. I guess vapid barbie dolls are what men want.

During the Vancouver Wine Festival, I was in the tasting room every night. There is no better venue for engaging people in conversation. Everyone is walking around with wine. All you need to do is ask someone what they're drinking and what wines they've found exciting. Sadly, not even this fool-proof set-up can cause people to interact.

On another occasion, I was out for a girlfriends' birthday. After drinks and dinner the plan was to go out dancing. As we entered the venue of choice, we both looked around the room and realized it was hardly to our liking. But I believe in making the best of situations so we stuck it out for a bit. Ever go somewhere and look around a room and realize there isn't a single person in there (guy or girl) that you even want to talk to? As we were dancing I was observing the crowd. I noticed two attractive looking fellows sitting in a corner texting. Instead of interacting with real people they chose to stay in their virtual world. They weren't even talking to each other.

But on rare occasions you do find someone who gives communication a try. Recently, a friend of mine was communicating with a rather attractive guy. From his texts, he seemed smart and witty. What was really uncharacteristic was that he actually wanted to meet. Most times guys just want to message and text indefinitely. They ended up setting up a coffee date. Once they actually met, the conversation was non-existent. While nerves can play a part in decreased conversation skills, it didn't seem like the case. They parted ways before even finishing their coffee. No stranger to bad coffee dates, she didn't give it a second thought until not even 5 minutes later she receives a text from him saying he enjoyed meeting her. He then asked what she thought of him and if she'd be interested in seeing how the sex would be. WTF! What planet are these men from? For the record, she politely declined saying she just didn't feel that sort of connection with him. No other texts were received.

So all of these things have gotten me to thinking. What has happened to Vancouver Guy 2.0? It's almost like an evening out is a replay of a junior high dance with the guys on one side of the room and the girls on the other. They want to talk to each other but just have no clue how to do it. Are there just too many ways to be social virtually that we have lost the skills to actually interact with one another?

Or, is there something in the water that is neutering us conversationally?

Tweet #22

There is an upcoming Menopause/PMS seminar at the community centre across the street from my apartment. Are the notices intended to be informative or a warning?

Valentines Day - The Hallmark Holiday

Valentine's Day gets its name from various early Christian martyrs named Valentine and they had nothing to do with romance. The most widely repeated legend regarding Valentine's Day was actually provided by American Greetings so my calling it a Hallmark Holiday really isn't wrong.

My fondest memory of Valentine's Day was from when I was a little girl. Dad used to come home with a big heart-shaped box of chocolates for mom and a little heart-shaped box for me. I still remember how special I felt when he gave it to me.

Valentine's Day is the romantic equivalent of New Years' Eve. On New Years, you feel obligated to party and celebrate. On Valentine's the obligation is to be romantic. I don't like being forced to do anything. I don't need to be told when to party or when to be romantic. I can do both very well without any prompting.

I actually feel very sorry for men in February. One wrong move and you're an instant dumbass. My ex used to say that the jewellers and florist were all conspiring against him and I really don't think he was too far wrong. The flip side to all the hype is that if you are single, nothing like a day that hammers home the fact that you're alone.

Perhaps some people need the media assault to remind them to take a few minutes to do something special for their partner. Kind of sad really. Somehow the flowers seem less fragrant if you know that the only reason you got them is because society dictated it.

As much as we like to think we're above the hype, I think most women secretly want to be acknowledged in some way on that day. It doesn't need to be an over the top gesture, a simple card can be enough. As for me, well, I'd give anything to get another heart-shaped box of chocolates from my dad.

Mommy Dearest

Those of you that know me well know that my relationship with my mother has always been 'challenging'. Since 2008, those 'challenges' have increased. As much as I am the quintessential Leo, mom is a textbook Gemini. I never know which version I'm going to get when I call or visit her. The fact that our relationship has always been a battle is something that has always upset me but I've pretty much made my peace with it. That said, she still knows how to push my buttons. She did install them afterall. We are now embarking on another challenging adventure.....she's moving into a retirement facility.

In 2008, my parents moved from the house they had been in for 42 year into a condo. Their health issues and age made staying in that house completely impractical. I took on the mother of all downsizing projects. In 42 years, they had thrown out nothing. Just to give you an example, I found paint cans dating back to the pre-historic era. Dad's theory was, we have the room, why get rid of it. I had to battle my mother on every item I tried to throw away. Seeing as I had years of practice battling her, I came out the victor.

The condo she moved into was very nice. Even nicer after my friends and I spent the evening prior to the move re-painting it and my friend H spent 6 hours attacking the kitchen with a steam cleaning machine. Turns out those kitchen cupboards were actually white. Dad didn't get to spend much time with her there unfortunately and since he's been gone, she's been lonely. So she decided a retirement facility is where she'd like to go. But not until she sold the condo.

One year ago we started that journey. I figured the condo would sell reasonably quickly and within a few months I could resume my life. Not so. The real estate market was not in my favor and mom complained everytime someone came to view the condo. Remember the movie Groundhog Day? That was me. I had to repeat the same scenario each time there was an upcoming viewing. People don't buy real estate without looking at it first. Then in periods where there were no viewings, she'd complain about how lonely she was and in the same conversation say how the neighbors were too nosy and chatty. WTF. My dad once said, when people get old, they get funny. How true. But my mom has always been funny and not in the ha ha kind of way.

With the listing close to expiring, mom had had enough and decided she didn't want any more showings. She was just going to stay put. I'm sure my decision to return to Vancouver on a more permanent basis helped her make that decision. And then the unexpected happened, we got an offer. My anxiety level went through the roof at the thought of telling her but to my surprise, she was very calm. Lulled into a false sense of security, I proceeded with the negotiations and an acceptable offer was made. When I called her with the good news, she freaked. After screaming at me for 15 minutes, I had to hang up. Thank goodness I have a well stocked bar.

Realizing she was scared because she had no idea where she was going to live next (with me is NOT an option), I set up a couple of appointments at retirement facilities. We had done quite a few tours last year so I had a good idea as to where we wanted to go and found 2 places with availability. Yesterday we headed out on that adventure. I am happy to report that our journey was successful. That doesn't mean it was a cake walk but it ended well. She found a lovely apartment in a nice facility where she will be taken care of and I will be able to start drinking less. OK, that last bit is a bit of a stretch considering I have to get through another move with her.

So downsizing part 2 begins. It will be a breeze after the last one but you may want to buy shares in Belvedere because I see increased sales for them in the next few months.

Like a moth to a .......... Dumbass?

So a girlfriend called last night looking for some advice. Seems as though there are two gentlemen who are interested in her but she's having a tough time making a decision. One, is really nice and the other.......a dumbass.

Now, while the choice seems obvious (pick nice guy), why is it that we even find ourselves debating these things? I believe it is because we secretly hope that we have the skills to exorcise the dumbass out of them. Jesus was able to walk on water but I don't think even he had that sort of power.

And guys are just as bad. I have witnessed with my very eyes a guy pick a total bee-yotch over a girl who was sweet, pretty and kind. And then spend the rest of the relationship complaining about her. Dumbass.

So perhaps we're all just moths. Instead of being draw to flames we're drawn to dumbasses. The only New Years' resolution that I made was to be dumbass free in 2012 and so far, I'm successful. Granted it's still January but I'm 26 days in. That has to count for something. Perhaps there should be tokens available like there is in other recovery programs.

And as for my girlfriend, I told her to pick the nice guy and not let the dumbass take up any more real estate in her head. And I'm guessing that once she does that, he'll start pursuing her even harder.

Cause that's how dumbasses roll.

Tweet #21 - Ghetto Family Feud

This morning while I was in the gym, the channel the TV was tuned to was showing what looked like Ghetto Family Feud. Now before you get on your PC high horse, the reason I say that is that one of the first commercials I saw was for a class action lawsuit against 'Tippy Soup Containers'. So if you've burned yourself with spilled Mr Noodles, you can sue.

I rest my case.

Bambi On Ice

This morning I woke up to snow on the ground. I'm beyond thrilled. It's pretty easy to be thrilled by a snowfall when you don't have to get in a car and drive anywhere. Don't get me wrong, I've maneuvered that Camaro in some pretty interesting conditions with great success. It's all the other morons out there that are the problem. But that's not the topic of todays' blog.

As I was staring out the window at the snow covered seawall, I happened to notice two brave souls out jogging. I must admit I was very impressed. I could only imagine if I were to attempt such a daring feat. While I can guide a car through ice and snow with ease, guiding myself has proven to be problematic. My ex-husband used to call me Bambi On Ice. While it may sound cruel, it really is an accurate description. I've sky-dived, para-sailed even rode the 'Flying Fish' in Bali yet walking down a snow covered sidewalk is my most daring endeavor.

And don't tell me that 5" heels are not appropriate footwear in the snow. They're brilliant. All you do is dig that heel in and go.

Let it snow!